The following is the script of a reconstructive drama, based on a true story.


Friday Night...

Simon: Hey Jordan, Nick's actually a pretty good rapper.

Jordan: Oh yeah?

Simon: Tell him Nick.

Nick: Yeah, I can pretty much rap about anything.

Simon: Really? Even Jordan's shoes?

Nick: Yup.

Simon: Bet you can't.

Nick: Yeah I can.

Simon: Fine, if you can make up a decent rap about Jordan's shoes by tomorrow night, I'll give them to you.

Jordan: Say what?

Simon: If Nick can rap about your shoes, he gets them for a day.

Jordan: Fine. Deal.

Well, here's the rap about Jordan's shoes, so eloquently composed and performed by the marvelous Captain Nick:

Writing a rap song
About a Canadian’s shoes
Want to hear cheers
Not hearing any boos

He wears his shoes
Everywhere he may tread
Loves ‘em so much
He even takes ‘em to bed

My shoes are on
The wrong way round
Dude that’s cause
They cost a pound
Yeah you bought them
In the lost and found

Pray
Pray
For a new pair
Someday

Hey man
Can you tie my laces
Got my feet
In the wrong places

His name is Jor-dan
But he can’t afford ‘em

A new pair
He doesn’t care

He loves ‘em
What about you
Even though
They smell of poo

Jordan from Ontario
Man those shoes
Have gotta go!

They’ve never been washed,
And a size too big
Sorry my friend
Just having a dig

Just having a laugh
But I’ve passed the test
No shoes for the day
Haha – all the best

We'd agreed that I could have them on Sunday for church. It was really wet Monday morning. I carried socks to chapel in my hands and stuck them on when I got there. The Dean appeared rather quizzical, mayhaps confuzzled. Eventually Clive gave me a pair of shoes. They actually fit, and because they were cheap he said I can keep them. Thanks Clive. And I don't want to hear any wise cracks about Clive's name. It's not that English!

Lesson learned: shoes are a valuable posession, and never understimate the powers of the Rappin Cap'in Nick. Yarr.